I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
