using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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