You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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