i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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