can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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