They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
