i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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