i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
