do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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