I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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