he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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