dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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