p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
