i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
