he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
