So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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