she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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