Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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