So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
