I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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