You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
