i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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