Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
