Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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