I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
