Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
