Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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