he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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