I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
