New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
