I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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