What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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