There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
