She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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