He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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