Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
