i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
