So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
