I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
