scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
