Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
