1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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