I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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