My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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