I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There r osticjed everywhere
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
