You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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