the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize