I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
