True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
