i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
