I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
