I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
