thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
