Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
