I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
