Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
