I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
