There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sext me about skeletons
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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