cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
