Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
