You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
