i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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