Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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