so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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