good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
