My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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