i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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