Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
