now i know why i became what i already was.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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