Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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