I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
