her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So squirting runs in the family.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
