i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
