can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
