I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
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I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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