it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
