i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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