U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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