i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Randomize
