She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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